Do you love your children? If so, are you setting them up for success, whether they are little children or already adults?
“Now David said, ‘Solomon my son is young and inexperienced, and the house to be built for the LORD must be exceedingly magnificent, famous and glorious throughout all countries. I will now make preparation for it.’ So David made abundant preparations before his death.” (1 Chronicles 22:5 NKJV)
There is never a time when our involvement in our children’s lives ceases; its character may change as they mature, but good parents will never fully withdraw from their children’s lives. This is not to say we are to continue trying to run their lives for them indefinitely; most adults will not welcome that degree of assistance from their parents considering it interference. But we, as older, more mature individuals who genuinely love them and wish them well, will remain as involved as we are able—albeit in the background—yet always understanding what is going on in each of their individual lives and setting the stage, as we are able, for their continued success.
Today’s verse refers to David preparing everything for the construction of God’s temple, which he was not allowed by God Himself to actually do. Yet David did everything possible to assure Solomon’s success in this venture. He didn’t just sit back and say, “Go at it, son, and may God bless your work (even though you’re just a young man and probably have no idea how to undertake a venture this size).” No; he selected the site, assigned the workers’ roles and provided the material needed; it seems that all Solomon had to actually do was to give the command for the actual construction to begin.
Do you do that for your children? Do you love them enough to remain that involved in their lives—to know what’s going on and support their genuine need? As importantly, are you able to provide that support? You see, in many cases, that’s the problem. As our children mature, their problems get larger and at some point, threaten to exceed mom and dad’s ability to solve. Parents can call the teacher to try to get a homework extension, but may not have sufficient funds to pay an insufficient mortgage bill—you get the picture.
Yet herein lies the challenge, and it is two-fold; 1) how to have enough of yourself available to support well each of our adult children, and 2) having the resources to do so. Each of our children is different. What one needs, the other may not. None of our children should feel unloved or neglected, but how we support our adult children will vary according to their need.
Will will not, typically, financially support our adult children like we did when they were younger—even if we are financially able. One of the primary goals of parenting is to bring them to a point of academic and professional maturity and self-sufficiency that they can support themselves. But there will be times and places where we can assist.
More than that, there will be instances where we can reach out and motivate them to aim higher and accomplish more by offering incentives, or pitching in in some way, shape or form; thus there is strong cause to try to establish ourselves as well as we are able, so we can help others in our lives—including our children, if need be.
We have three children—two adult, one almost—and each of their needs are different. One might (I believe) would benefit from encouragement to commit the resources to successfully accomplish a massive undertaking. Another needs support of a more practical nature—emotional as well as financial support, as she struggles to find suitable employment post graduation. The third needs enough of me to actually be there for her as she completes some significant online pre-senior year summer classes and begins the college application process. They’re all different, and they all need something different from their father and me, as their parents.
So, do you love your children? Are you setting them up for success, whether they are little or grown adults? Seek our Lord in prayer today to give you wisdom how to best do that!
Dear Lord God,
Give me the wisdom to see all my children really need from me, and provide the resources for me to be able to do so! Amen.